I Want One!

In 1954, this is what they imagined a "home computer" would look like in 50 years. I wonder what they thought we would use it for? Most likely Prof. Frink was involved in this.

Gods And Monsters

For reasons unknown, I got on a Frankenstein kick and saw the first four: Frankenstein (1931), Bride of Frankenstein (1935), Son of Frankenstein (1939), and The Ghost of Frankenstein (1942). Colin Clive plays the original Frankenstein in the first two. I always thought that Frank's first name was Victor, but it's Henry -- Victor was a minor character. Clive died 2 years after Bride from alcoholism. He was 39. Speaking as someone who likes to drink, I'm always curious about how a person can drink themself to death at an early age. Do they drink the entire day? Are they just exacerbating
a pre-existing condition?

The Dr. F in the 3rd is the original's son (played by Basil Rathbone aka Sherlock Holmes) and another son stars in the fourth. When we meet son #2, he's a psychiatrist/surgeon who's just developed a technique for removing a patient's brain, operating on it, and then replacing it in the patient. They're a bit fuzzy as to why it's necessary to remove the brain to operate on it.

The monster (played by Boris Karloff in the first 3, and Lon CHaney jr in the 4th) gets killed at the end of each movie, but in each sequel they find a reason why he really wasn't killed. By the time Dr.F #3 is faced with the monster, he decides that since the monster was assembled from spare parts, he can be disassembled. Dr.F then studies old manuscripts to discover how to perform the dissection -- I would have recommended renting "Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

There's no Igor in the original -- Dr. F's hunchback assistant was Fritz but he was the first one bumped off. In 3 & 4, Bela Lugosi (Dracula) appears as Ygor, a very sinister character. At the end of the 4th his brain is put in the monster's head. However, Ygor/monster quickly goes blind because, as Dr.F explains, "Ygor and the monster have different blood." COnsidering that the monster was originally assembled from random parts, I wouldn't think tissue rejection would be a problem.

By far the best character in the whole series is Dr. Praetorius. He's evil, evil, evil, and very fey and gay. He shows Dr.F the results of his own weird experiments -- he has a series of full-grown 6-inch people living in jars. He claims to have grown these people "from seed" -- again short on details. "But, Dr. Frankenstein, your achievement was much greater than mine because you achieved size." I think Praetorius' achievment was a hell of a lot more impressive. It's Dr.P's idea to create a bride for the monster so they can create a race of monsters. When the bride rejects her prospective husband, the monster, in despair, pulls a switch which destroys the castle. I wonder what the original architect was thinking when he included a "self-destruct" mechanism is his blueprints.

Ok, that's enough for now.

At Least It's Not Breakfast Food

In Kenosha County, Wisconsin, Michael Wilk holds his 12-year-old gator, with white markings that Wilk believes form the letters G-O-D on the scales. (from Fark).

Ok, let's assume it's a message from God -- it's the same message as a teenager spray-painting his name on the wall. Why not put messages on the side of pets around the world (in the local language) and say, "Hey, stop killing each other!" Or, "The cure to cancer is ..."

To my evil mind, "apparations" like this is just God's way of saying, "Yeah, I have nothing to say."

My next-to-last post was entitled "Next We'll Have Alligators." Obviously I'm prescient. Send me $10 and I'll read you future (it will only be good news, I promise).

But What Does It Mean?

ALMATY (Reuters) - A chicken in a Kazakh village has laid an egg with the word "Allah" inscribed on its shell, state media reported Thursday.

It's good to know that it's not just Jesus who feels the need to appear on various breakfast foods.

Next We'll Have Alligators

I just came across an interesting article via Fark. Some fisherman caught a piranha in the Des Plaines River (which is close to where I live). The article goes on to say that piranhas occasional show up in Lake Michigan.

How can a fish which lives in South America survive in Lake Michigan? It does make it more exciting to dangle your feet in the water.

That Sneaky Bastard!

Watch the documentary Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room. If you're like me, you'll throw something at the tv. Those guys became jillionaires screwing over thousands of people. I wanted Ken Lay & Jeffrey Skilling hung or at least throw in some nasty prison for eternity.

So finally they were convicted of being scumbags, but weren't sentenced yet. This morning Ken Lay died of a heart attack. He was 64. That sneaky bastard! Not one day in jail! They better toss Skilling in the slammer today or else he'll croke too.

I Feel The Need To Talk

I was just watching an episode of The Family Guy. Peter had to attend sensitivity training due to his sexist behavior. However, they overdo it and Peter gets too in touch with his feminine side.

There's a scene that had me howling. Peter is soaking in a tub and calls his male friend, Whatshisname. I imagined myself getting in touch with my feminine side and calling Dino, for example:

(ring)
D: Hello.
E: Hey, Dino.
D: Hi Evil, what's up?
E: Not much.
D: (long pause) Well, what do you want?
E: Nothing. I just called to talk. (pause) What are you thinking about?
D: Whadda ya mean, what am I thinking about, you called me!
E: I just wanted to say hi.
D: (hangs up)

I hate talking on the phone.

Dating Tips

During my awkward teen years, I lacked poise and social grace (understatement), and to some degree I still do. However, I was never so bad as described below.

This is from an article titled 'Dating 101' in the Caltech student newspaper:

The Gay Bomb

Do you ever watch Jay Leno? He has a segment called Jaywalking where he asks people-on-the-street incredibly simple questions ("Where was the Vietnam War fought?") and they don't know the answers ("Korea?"). It's funny but it's also very depressing -- it makes me weep for the state of education.

In a similar manner, the BBC has an item about some of the ridiculous ideas the Pentagon has considered. It's funny, but it's also scary when you consider the power these people hold in the world.

They were trying to trying to develop weird bombs that would hurt enemy morale:

"The plan for a so-called "love bomb" envisaged an aphrodisiac chemical that would provoke widespread homosexual behaviour among troops, causing what the military called a "distasteful but completely non-lethal" blow to morale.

Scientists also reportedly considered a "sting me/attack me" chemical weapon to attract swarms of enraged wasps or angry rats towards enemy troops.

A substance to make the skin unbearably sensitive to sunlight was also pondered.

Another idea was to develop a chemical causing "severe and lasting halitosis", so that enemy forces would be obvious even when they tried to blend in with civilians."

Hail Satan!

Today is 06/06/06. Behave accordingly.

The Perfect Wedding

This past Sunday I attended the wedding of a friend I've had for over 30 years. It was the second marriage for him. I'm not sure about her previous marital status.

Initially, they had told everyone that they had "married themselves" -- i.e. no legal ceremony -- and the wedding party was a celebration of that fact. Then when we get to the party, they tell everyone that shortly before the party, they had made it legal. And I thought to myself, "How wonderfully considerate. They didn't make their friends sit through a boring ceremony -- just straight to the party." And the party wasn't held held in some stuffy reception hall -- they rented a local jazz club. There was great food, free drinks and really wonderful people. And before I forget, they insisted that no one brings wedding gifts -- instead they sent out a list of charities for donations.

That was the most perfect wedding I've ever attended.

HNT(3)

Since I haven't posted HNT pix for a few weeks, I've decided to make this a twofer. A few years ago I commissioned a painting of myself in the nude:



The third is a bit too risque. I was in New Orleans for Mardi Gras and got a bit hammered. Be warned, it's not pretty.

My Experiment Worked!

I love this! Yesterday I posted an experiment in traffic manipulation and listed the 30 most common search terms on the web. And it worked! Today I found a site called Paris Hilton Sex Bloglistings and it listed Information You NEED To Know & Photos No One Should See. Do me a favor and click on my link. If I generate enough traffic, maybe they'll keep my link there.

Also, all of you with blogs should create a post called Paris Hilton Sex!, and don't forget to link back here.

Paris Hilton! Sex! Paris Hilton! Sex! Paris Hilton! Sex! Paris Hilton! Sex! Paris Hilton! Sex! Paris Hilton! Sex! Paris Hilton! Sex! Paris Hilton! Sex! Paris Hilton! Sex! Paris Hilton! Sex! Paris Hilton! Sex! Paris Hilton! Sex! Paris Hilton! Sex! Paris Hilton! Sex! Paris Hilton! Sex! Paris Hilton! Sex!

__________________________________________

Update: I just checked that site and my link was already gone. However, there was now a link to THIS post. They must change links daily.

As You've Probably Noticed, I'm Drawn To News Stories About Genitalia Injuries

This is from the Sunshine Coast Daily (Australia):


Woman 'chomped' at officer's groin: court

23.05.2006
By RAE WILSON

BRACE yourself boys: you will cringe.

Police Constable Anthony Jennings certainly did when he felt a "crushing sensation" in the groin.

"Excruciating pain" were the words he used to describe the moment Maria Klaus allegedly "chomped" on his penis after a domestic violence incident in Maroochydore a year ago.

The softly spoken Const Jennings, 43, had to share possibly his worst day on the job in the Maroochydore District Court in front a jury and the woman accused of seriously assaulting him twice.

Const Jennings and Constable Leonie Scott were called to Ms Klaus' unit in Beach Parade at 5:30pm on June 12.

The pair testified that Kevin Hughes was waiting at the door of the unit and had invited them in to speak "to her".

Const Jennings said the 38-year-old Klaus appeared, wet and wrapped in a towel, and started yelling.

He said she pushed Mr Hughes hard in the chest with two hands, and twice threw a three-year-old child by one arm behind her.

Const Jennings said the first assault ensued when he placed his hand on Ms Klaus¡¦ left arm and told her he was detaining her under the Domestic and Family Violence Act.

He said he had trouble gripping Ms Klaus because she was naked and wet and the pair ended up on the ground.

"It was a flurry of head-butts, bites, kneeing me and punching," he said.

"There was ... gnashing of teeth. As her face was coming towards me she was snapping her teeth, chomping.

"I actually felt her nose go into my mouth. When I was on the ground I felt my face, it was covered in saliva and there was blood."

Const Jennings said he had to break his tie to release Ms Klaus' grip, whereupon she kicked him in the chest and shoulder with her feet.

"She was yelling at me that she was going to get my balls," he said.

"Even though she was small ... she was quite muscular and powerful."

Back-up arrived after the pair eventually got handcuffs on Ms Klaus to help escort her downstairs to a van.

Const Jennings said his attention was only diverted for a few seconds when he felt ¡§a sudden crushing pain¡¨.

"I felt an excruciating pain at the end of my penis ... I looked down and her head was over the top of my groin and she was biting me," he said.

"I was in a lot of pain, shock and I screamed."

Barrister Steve Courtney suggested police were not invited into the unit, Const Jennings did not understand his detaining powers under the domestic violence legislation and Ms Klaus did not bite the policeman's penis.

But Constable Leonie Scott backed up his claims when she took the stand.

The trial continues today.

American Sumo

I just saw a commercial on tv that I have to share with you. If you're anywhere in North America, I'm sure you're familiar with "professional" wrestling. If you're unaware of it, well I don't think I could possibly describe it.

And you're probably familiar with the catchphrase, "Get ready to rummmbbllleee!" Ok, play that line in your head, but substitute the word "sumo" for "rumble." That's the commercial I just saw. They're pitching something called the International Sumo Wrestling League. I'm trying to decide what it could possibly be like. If it's traditional sumo, then the fans of Hulk Hogan & The Rock would be bored shitless.

But how could they change sumo to make it attractive to the traditional wrestling fan? A real sumo match lasts a few seconds. What could they do to make it last 10 or 15 minutes? The two wrestlers come out and spread salt to ritualistically cleanse the ring. Then they do those leg stretches. And then, as they charge each other, one pulls a lug wrench out of his diaper and cracks the other guy over the head.

Seriously, how could they make sume wrestling appealing to Americans?

Information You NEED To Know & Photos No One Should See

I've talked about this before, but it amazes me how people get to this blog. Apparently half the traffic comes from a post I did long ago about "sploshing." So I'm doing a post using the most common search terms on the net.

From Google I found Ask Dave Taylor. According to him, the 30 most common search terms are:

pussy, porn, google, boobs, hentai, Paris Hilton, ebay, yahoo, sex, milf, tits, girls, free porn, lesbians, Jessica Simpson, eminem, poetry, Carmen Electra, games, dogs, Jenna Jameson, myspace, Pamela Anderson, 50 cent, yahoo.com, nude, games cheat, 89.com, mapquest, girls gone wild

I had to look up "hentai." I wasn't motivated enough to see what 89.com is.

For the next few days, you'll probably have problems logging onto this blog due to heavy traffic.

Today is very sunny and it seemed a good time to take some HNT photos. This Thursday, no doubt, there will be a stampede to this blog.

A Way With Words

Slate collects Bushisms -- those witty things the President says on occasion. There was one I particularly enjoyed:

"I think we are welcomed. But it was not a peaceful welcome."—Philadelphia, Dec. 12, 2005, on the reception of American forces in Iraq

I guess that's true, in a way. We did receive a "welcome" of sorts - just not a friendly one.

And on a completely unrelated topic, it took me a minute to realize what was odd about the following photos:

A Firm Handshake

It occurred to me that it's been some time since I've posted about genitalia injuries, so:

The happy couple live in Philadelphia.

...Police say the wife believed her husband, Howard Randall, was cheating on her. So, while he slept, police say the woman grabbed and squeezed a part of his male anatomy.

Randall was rushed to Einstein Hospital with severe bleeding. Doctors first labeled his condition critical but he is now listed in stable condition at the hospital...

That "severe bleeding" sounds horrible, and I refuse to try and picture what actually is bleeding. The wife was initially charged with attempted murder, but, you'll be happy to hear, the charge was reduced to domestic abuse.

Cairo Likes Sex

There's a website I enjoy called Fark. It mentioned a Google service I was unfamiliar with. You enter a search term and Google generates a chart of frequency over time as well as the top ten cities using that search term.

Fark entered "sex" and noticed that Muslim cities found that term popular. Cairo was #1, followed by cities in India & Turkey. No US city made the top 10 (prudes).

I tried a few other searches:

big tits - top 5 UK & Canada (Chicago #8)
big jugs - top 9 UK + Minneapolis
breasts - India & UK (Minneapolis #8 -- what's going on in Minneapolis?)
Sin - all latin countries (La Paz #1)
Death - all 10 in US
Al Capone - Chicago, of course, was #1, but Amsterdam & Zurich also made the list. I wonder why.
Michael Jackson - Lima, Peru #1?! Only two US cities.

HNT(2)

This morning I was racing around late for work. The tv news said that the morning was going to be sunny but there would be thunderstorms during the commute home. It occured to me that tonight there wouldn't be enough sunlight for an HNT photo, so I needed to take the pic before going to work.

It takes some time to set things up and get it just right. Even though I was late for work, I was pissing around taking half-nekkid photos of myself. Needless to say, I was REALLY late for work.

In the past, my favorite excuse for being late was, "I forgot."
Now, my favorite is, "I needed to take half-nekkid photos of myself."